Amiga Format CD 12

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/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Yabba doo, another talk between us people here. You've seen it before, you know how it works, so here is the line up, as per usual: Me, that is Dan, at home and I'm actually using a CD³² and an SX-32II. with the keyboard, disk drive, modem etc. Arnie Finen, this time he is at home on his 4000/060T (which VisCORP prefer to call the A6000, even though the badge says 4000/060!?) Debbie at home on her A500, and she always comes last in the list, because she's been annoying me (offence intended). It's a good job I write this after the conference has taken place! Here is this issues verbal bash, that old 4 letter word which means intercourse, the word that ends with K, you know the one... TALK! //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\ ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** DAN: Hello people. ARNIE: Hello Dan DEB: hi NICK: ullo DEB: I've got someone here with me today. DAN: Tell them I understand the strain. NICK: heh heh! DEB: for that I'm not going to tell you who it is yet. DAN: Debbie... I CARE! NICK: What a day it has been today, I'm knackerooed! DAN: not as much as I am. I went to bed at 7PM last night and woke up at midnight and haven`t slept since, and it is 4.03 on a Saturday afternoon now. NICK: nightmare, you didn`t go out last night? DAN: no, I had a nice quiet night. NICK: WHAT?!!!!! Mr Friday Night stayed in? DAN: Yes I was knackered! NICK: are you out tonight? DAN: Excuse me? Oh I see, yes I`m at work from 10 PM. ARNIE: Till when? And that joke is crap. DAN: midnight, and I think it's funny. ARNIE: shouldn`t be too tired tommorow then, and no it's crap. DAN: No, night short night tonight, although it often seems like longer, I'm at the radio station during the week this week! ARNIE: On the air? DAN: Only on Wednesday morning and my show which I tape on Thursdays and is played on Saturday night. ARNIE: So what hours you doing then? DAN: Off today, and tommorow, monday there from 1PM till 3PM, and get this, on Tuesday I'm there from ***9AM**** till 2:30 PM (I have to wake up before lunch time!), and Wednesday 2AM till 6AM, Thursday 9:30 AM till 4 PM, and Friday 10PM till midnight. ARNIE: How long is that going on? DAN: I don't know DEB: I'll tell you who is with me now. DAN: You didn't keep me in suspense for long! DEB: i can't wait to tell you, Natalie is here with me. DAN: You swine! NICK: Ha ha ha hah!!!! cough. ARNIE: Is that the one who likes you Danny boy? DEB: yes and not the only one. DAN: shut up Deb ARNIE: Who else is there? DAN: Don't mention names DEB: oh well I cant do it then. There is the girl in the video shop. DAN: DEB SHE WAS JOKING!!! I really didn't want to start the conference like this. :( DEB: and my next door neighbours friend DAN: oooh noooooo DEB: and there is the two girls from the next street DAN: Who? DEB: kelly and sarah DAN: Oh yeah, but I don't mind that, they're 19! :) And I said no names! DEB: well do something about it ARNIE: Go on Dan DAN: No, they can if they want to. ARNIE: You are the man you have to make the first move DAN: NO! This is the 1990's, it used to be that the men chased the woman and made leude comments, but roles are equal now. NICK: well I dont get many comments ARNIE: I know why. Dan you are a coward! DAN: Well.... OK. NICK: if I was in your shoes things would be different DAN: Well you can't have my shoes, I only bought them last week! NICK: along with a video? :-) DAN: hmmmnn, any way, the girl in the video shop was joking. DEB: i dont think so. DAN: She would have been. ARNIE: Well what happened? DEB: A few weeks ago we were in the video shop looking for a good film, and there was a middle aged woman behind the counter just tidying up. Then a girl got off the bus out side and walked into the shop. It was the womans daughter. She stood behind the counter with her mother. Then I looked around and saw her looking at Dan, so I told him, and he looked around and she was smiling at him. Dan turned around again and give me a funny look, then looked around again. The girl was stood next to her mother and she was winking and smiling at him and her mother was laughing her head off. DAN: It was a joke Deb. ARNIE: Dan could start a new business DAN: Well if not, then she was too young as well, so sod that. DEB: 14 is too young DAN: I know DEB: tell them how many Valentines cards you got so far DAN: No it makes me sound like a right big head. DEB: go on DAN: You lot won't believe me, but honestly I got 27 cards!!!!! ARNIE: FFFFF WOW! 27 cards, and it's not even the big day yet! I've got 2 and I was well pleased! 27........ DEB: and some of them where off people he didnt even know DAN: It's true! Tell Natalie I got her card, but I'm VERY pleased as well. DEB: okay DAN: Don't put her on though DEB: How do I change the name text? DAN: I'm not telling you. ARNIE: Go to Signature on the menu, then type in the new name, DEB: hang on then natalie is coming on DAN: oh no, when will the torture stop ARNIE: you should go into one of these batchelor lists Dan, you are single now aren't you? DAN: Since November yeah NICK: Dan, you want more! DAN: I wouldn't mind some a bit closer to my age, just a bit ARNIE: About 18-23 DAN: Yes, good age range, suits me ARNIE: Are you gonna do it then? DAN: erm... no. ARNIE: alright NICK: Why? What age range were your cards from? DAN: You know, it's sods law, they were nearly all from under 18 year olds ARNIE: how many from over 18s? ______ DAN: 4 :(, but I got 3 anonymous ones! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)______) NICKS: Whats debbie doing? DAN: She keeps me waiting, it makes it worse. NATALIE: hi babe. NICK: I don't think he's typing. NATALIE: come on dont be shy DAN: I'm dying laughing. What a way to say hello, what's that all about? "hi babe?", sound like a cockney geezer, what do you want then? NATALIE: just want to say how gorgeous you are. ARNIE: hee hee. DAN: well you're only human! :) alright then. Put Deb back on. ARNIE: GOD! DAN: Well yes, I suppose I am! :) ARNIE: You dick head! DAN: sorry, just joking! NATALIE: no I want to talk to you for a bit. I heard what they did to you when you were asleep. DAN: that was AGES ago. NATALIE: yes, I just wish I could have had a snog as well. DAN: It wasn't like that! I had nothing to do with it! ARNIE: What's this? DAN: I owe Debbie BIG TIME! NICK: I remember, remind Arnie DAN: I'm not saying. ARNIE: Go on! ARNIE: Oh I know! HAHAAA!!! NATALIE: they all give you a kiss when you were sleeping, and I wasn't there! Ohhh DAN: I fell asleep on the couch, nothing to do with me!! ARNIE: Ha ha!!! DAN: Alright, you've had your little flirt, now put Deb back on. Any way if there are 5 angry fathers reading this, I swear, I didn't, and wouldn't ever participate in such a thing. These are the things you need to suffer when you have a sister. NATALIE: I haven't finished yet. Do you reckon theres any chance of us maybe, going some where? DAN: No. NATALIE: No? DAN: But I probably will see you around with Deb (sadly!) NATALIE: dont you think Im nice? DAN: Yes, you do look very nice, but wait till you're 18. NATALIE: Well you are only 4 years older than 16 DAN: Am I? NATALIE: ether 4 or 5 DAN: I know, not an old git like Arnie! ARNIE: Your not far off 23, only a couple of years, so sod off! DAN: Hee hee ARNIE: So you like Dan then Natalie? NATALIE: hes sexy NICK: how you liking this Dan? DAN: Nick, bugger off. NATALIE: next time Debbie comes around your place, I'll come around as well. DAN: Deb, your not coming here any more! ARNIE: Listen to that. Natalie, what do like most about him? NATALIE: every thing. Those sexy deep brown eyes, his cute laugh, nice voice, everything about Dan I like. DAN: Arnie, I'll remember this next time we're out on the booze. NATALIE: I have seen debbies other brother as well. DAN: You like Mitch as well? NATALIE: he is quite cute but no where near as good as you DAN: I can gloat to him now (I've got to get a print out of this), what's this cute? As in hamsters are cute? NATALIE: i think you are cute your brother is alright but doesnt come close to you DAN: glad to hear it! (oooohhhh no!!!) :) ARNIE: I could tell her stuff to make her change her mind! DAN: Ha ha! I know. I could tell her more! NATALIE: You couldnt. If you are ever cold in the night, then give me a call and i'll come around and warm you up. DAN: good one. NICK: hheeeee NATALIE: keep it in mind. DAN: errmm.. right. Now will you leave me alone? PPPLLEEAASSEE?!! NATALIE: If you let me come and see you with Debbie next time then. DAN: would it be safe? Would you leave me alone? NATALIE: Not a chance! DAN: Alright, put Deb on then. NATALIE: give me a kiss then, and I'll go. DAN:.... there you go then, it was a virtual kiss. NATALIE: next time I see you, you owe me one. ARNIE: a what!! DAN: alright then, now go away. NATALIE: is that all? DAN: yes NATALIE: you are sexy though DAN: I wouldn't want to blow my own trumpet NATALIE: I w DAN: OK! Don`t even think about typing that NATALIE: you can read me like a book DAN: I just wish I could take you back to the library NATALIE: you dont mean that DAN: ok, bye. NATALIE: see you later sweet lips. DAN: bye..... (what the hell was that?!) ARNIE: ha ha ha, I'm in tears at this end. DAN: me too, tears of pain. NICK: You should be flattered. DAN: I get embarrased when things like that happen. Especially in real life. ARNIE: you puff DAN: hey! NICK: I know, the thing is, it's always the teenagers who seem to take attraction to you. DAN: not only them, but well... OK most of them might be, but not all. DEB: I know at least ten of my friends who like Dan DAN: God knows why, I've never spoke to most of them. I don't know what the hell it is. ARNIE: admit it Dan, you thrive in it DAN: I don't, pain in the arses. 27 cards! :) NICK: The thing is, women about 20 year old seem to ignore Dan, and he won't ask them, so only the young ones go after him. DAN: HEY! Not all women keep away from me you cheeky bum. But the young ones are quite funny ARNIE: I know I would get pissed off if the only people who fancied me were about 10 years old! DAN: They're not quite that young DEB: they range from 14 to about 16 or one is nearly 17 DAN: Really? Who? DEB: That would be telling DAN: Yes, I know, that's why I'm asking DEB: OK sorry, you remember Kim? DAN: No, should I? DEB: Well she is nearly 17 DAN: Great! Some one I have never heard of is almost 17! Wow! I really care! DEB: You do know her if you saw her you would recognise her she talked to you twice. DAN: Twice eh?! Better get married then. DEB: alright no need to get patronising DAN: So I don't know her, I know of her. DEB: yes DAN: cool DEB: Natalie is nearly 17 as well. DAN: I know, I don't really mind, I know it's all in good humour, but if they feel the same way when they reach 18 it suits me just fine! NICK: good work DAN: But for now, they will have to bugger off NICK: But I'm only 18, and I would go out with a 16 year old. Your only like a couple of years older than me. Don't you find any of them attractive? DAN: Yes, lots of them are VERY pretty girls, but it's a moral thing, 18 is OK (possibly 17), but I just wouldn't go with any one younger. ARNIE: Aha! 17 eh? So is that because of this... Kim girl? DAN: No! Don't even know her ARNIE: But you know OF her DAN: mmnnn ARNIE: It's Natalie! HA HA HA! DAN: don't go there! DEB: Thats what I can use to get you back now. If you annoy me I'll put Natalie on, or bring her round your house next time I come. DAN: Don't threaten me girl! DEB: dont start. DAN: Alright, sorry Deb, I forgot, you nearly knocked me out yesterday. DEB: that was an accident DAN: Elbowed me in the face. DEB: dont be a wimp, it wasnt hard DAN: It bloody wrecked! I've got tooth ace again. DEB: not again? DAN: I don't know why. The day before yesterday my top tooth at the back on the right was aching so badly I had head aches. I went to the dentist, got a filling put in. But then the one directly under it started to ache, and I found out I've got a f..... damn abcess in the damn thing, so it had to come out. ARNIE: Ouch, you got a tooth out? DAN: Yep, I couldn't believe it NICK: you keep your tusks in good condition though don't you? DAN: Yep, twice a day with the old brush. DEB: I do it three times. And natalie says you have nice teeth DAN: I have to go back on Thursday at 2:30 PM to get a bridge put in. NICK: I have to wait ages in the bloody NHS dentists DAN: You get it free still don't you? NICK: I'm a student DAN: I used to get it free when I was at college, but now I have gone to a private dentist the cost of me getting this tooth out and getting a bridge is a few hundred quid. NICK: Really! DAN: Yes, doctors are expensive as well. ARNIE: You private docs as well? DAN: I am now, from the start of 1996 I have been, when I was able to afford it. ARNIE: I have been for a few years. NICK: I hate dentists. DAN: I don't mind them at all, my mother and father both hate them, my mam always tries to put of going, and when my dad ever needs any treatment he has to be litterally made unconcious ARNIE: Sleeping gas DAN: No, an injection in the arm. ARNIE: I get gas DAN: I don't, because if you are getting a needle in the gum (it doesn't hurt too much), then it is actually freezing the nerves so there is no way that any pain can be felt, but when you get knocked out, you wake up, and the nerves have been active all through the treatment, a bit scary for me. ARNIE: It's fine. DAN: The only time I've hated the dentist was when we used to get those check ups at comprehensive school, some big fat woman with a mirror and some hefty muscle shoving her hand down my throat. NICK: I remember them. DEB: we have never had a school check up since I was in primary school DAN: You don't go to the same school I did though, I went to one in Stockton. DEB: mines a better school DAN: good. But I think you elbowing me in the face had something to do with the tooth. NICK: I would have paid to see that DAN: I just asked her where a certain wire was ARNIE: oh yeah? DAN: Yes, and I turned around and got an elbow in me face. DEB: you should have moved your big head DAN: oh.... funny :-/ DEB: It was an accident sorry if it caused you to have tooth ache. DAN: So you should be. ARNIE: send Natalie a virtual present, go to: http://www.virtualpresents.com DAN: right, no thanks. ARNIE: I've got a name that tune for you as well. What's the song from 1975 with the lyric "Let your road be clear"? DAN: 1975? Don't know, I wasn't even born. Besides what I said the last conference I was in about me been in my teens in 1985, it was a mistake (don't know how I made it). NICK: I was looking through some very old papers before, that had been in a big box for ages, and I found a story of a girl who commited suicide in Germany when Take That split up. DAN: yeah, that was ages ago. NICK: I didn't hear anything at the time DAN: Well I say it's a good job they split up, means they didn't release any more of that crap. ARNIE: god knows why all the women went mad over them. DEB: well it's just like the boys and SPICE GIRLS now isn't it? DAN: I've met them. DEB: WE KNOW! DAN: sorry, just saying, they all smell of pepper, any way. ARNIE: Wow, you must have got close. DAN: Ha ha (I wish). NICK: Me too DEB: A friend of mine thinks your telling fibs about that. DAN: I have met them, didn't have a full blown conversation with them or anything, but I made a bit of chit chat because they were at a radio station in Middlesbrough I sometimes work at. DEB: I know DAN: But there seems to have been a lot of girl bands that have arrived since the Spice girls, like Kenikie, Sasha etc. ARNIE: I don't know why most people get the view that Spice are all very good looking. Personally I don't find any of them that nice. The ginger one is supposedly the best, but I think she is a bit of a dog. DAN: True, I have seen much better. NICK: Dan would say that would you? DAN: no. But here is a little question for you, name this tune. It was a top ten hit from 1996 with the lyrics "She'll grab your Sandra Bullocks and slowly raise the knee". NICK: errmmm, dunno, a clue? DEB: Natalie says she doesnt care but she will come around your house and you can tell her. DAN: Tell her to...... go away. DEB: She also says 20 years old isn't to old for her. DAN: Who told her I was 20? DEB: dunno. DAN: Fine. DEB: I had to put up with it last time when you were away, so you do now. DAN: Oh yeah! Weren't you the centre of attention last issue? DEB: might have been DAN: I think he likes you Deb. DEB: I dont even know him DAN: I'll give him your phone number. DEB: if you do, i'll give natalie yours. DAN: I was only joking..... DON'T DO IT!!!! DEB: you wimp DAN: I know, that Steve has to come back on soon. That was so funny. DEB: It was alright I suppose. DAN: Shut up, you loved it. DAN: hello? NATALIE: hi DAN: SORRY DEB, you're great really. NICK: Is it was it by Beutiful South? DAN: YES! How did you know. NICK: I've got it, it's "Don't marry her, have me". DAN: Yes, it was that, didn't take you long. ARNIE: That's really the lyrics to the song? DAN: One bit, wonder if Sandra Bullock (of acting fame) minds them referring to them as her name. NICK: Why would she mind. DAN: Well I wouldn't like it is testicles were called Dan Woods. NICK: Come down town with me on Saturday... they are called that. DAN: yes yes yes. ARNIE: Looking on the news printer at the moment, I've read a rather old story about David Ginola (of Newcastle United fame) said that all English girls are alcoholic drunken slappers, who can't leave him alone and always make a fool of themselves! DAN: I'd agree with that. NICK: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ARE YOU GOING TO GET SOME LETTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAN: I was joking, HONESTLY!!!! ARNIE: I think they should learn how to play football before slagging off our women. DAN: good one! DEB: did he really say that? ARNIE: yes DEB: what a sexist pig. ARNIE: I know, it's not true... is it? DEB: NO! ARNIE: A recent survey said that British men are the sexiest in the world! DAN: Really?! ARNIE: Yes, must have surveyed me {smug head}, NICK: They must be joking. DAN: We'll have the feminists on now. NICK: Too true DAN: Contrary to what the Back Street boys said, "British girls are amongst the best looking in the world". NICK: Agreed DAN: Could be, but they have got to be some of the most annoying in the world. Eh Deb? DEB: wait there. NICK: You don't like femanists do you Dan? DAN: Well feminists don't like men, and I'm a man and they don't like me, so no. I won't even talk to a feminist. DEB: Natalie says she isn't a feminist, and I'm going to get a drink, so she can take over. Serves you right for calling me annoying. DAN: oh no. NICK: Debbie, make it a long drink (wink wink) NATALIE: hello. ARNIE: hello. NICK: Hello DAN: gulp! ARNIE: ha, We had the fur coat brigade on Cable again today. NICK: I have a problem with them, harming poor animals for coats is stupid. DAN: I don't have a problem with a woman wearing a fur coat, as long as she goes out and fights the animal to get the fur. NATALIE: I would fight for you baby. DAN: oh good NICK: Like those who fought for the Newbury by-pass. DAN: Maybe they are the ones who are standing up and protecting the world. ARNIE: Bloody idiots, its only a road. DAN: well.... NATALIE: come on, open up. DAN: hello? NATALIE: stop being so reserved. DAN: alright then, what do you want me to do? NATALIE: Well, I've got a list! ARNIE: HAA HAA!!!! NATALIE: start back at me. DAN: You'll get me into trouble one of these days. NATALIE: I can think of plenty of ways to get you in trouble DAN: can you now? NATALIE: oh yes. ARNIE: What type of things do you have in mind? NAT ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** t time. DAN: hee! I can't believe you just said that!! OH! What are you like?! NATALIE: sorry. DAN: so you should be eeeh :) NATALIE: so what are you wearing right now? DAN: why? NATALIE: I've got a nice blue mini skirt on, want to see? DAN: look I mean it, ha ha! Stop! :) NICK: Natalie, give up on him. NATALIE: never, he will see sense. DAN: I already am, we've only been going 10 mins, and this thing is already smutt filled! NATALIE: heard about you getting stopped by the police on new years eve babe. DAN: Yes,, ,,, , I like commas NATALIE: , , there you go 2 just for you. NICK: Why did you get stopped? DAN: Nothing really. I was working on New Years eve, and then at 10PM, I finished and went to a night club for a bit with a few mates, then after that I went to a relatives house where all of our family was there, and we have a BIG family, about 25 cousins I think. As we live about a mile away, it wasn't too bad to walk home, too much alcohol to drive. My brother was at work that day, so he had to be up for 11 AM, and Debbie was tired. I told Mitch he could stay at my house that night as he is living near Newcastle at present. Debbie was tired as well by 5 AM, as my parents were staying at the party all night I let Deb come back to my place with Mitch and I. But I had so much to drink I had trouble walking, Mitch wasn't much better. So I put one arm around Mitch and one around Deb and walked about a mile like that. We didn't get back until about 7 AM!! On the way this police car pulled over and asked me where I was going, and I think he asked who Debbie was. Don't know why, lot's of people are around that time in the morning on New Years day. ARNIE: And what did you say? DAN: I told the truth, "I'm off home, **hic** and this is my little sister......... **hic**". NICK: ha ha ! DEB: There were more hics than that. DAN: Debbie! Thank you for introducing me to a truly new experience! DEB: What's that DAN: Being pleased to talk to you, is Natalie gone now? DEB: I'll put her back on if you take that tone. DAN: sorry... DEB: she asked if you were doing your puppy dog eyes (?) DAN: eehhh?!! Tell her to shut up. DEB: okay, but new years eve was a very strange night. DAN: You`re going back nearly half a year! DEB: it was strange DAN: I can hardly remember it, I remember finishing work, then going to about 3 parties, then walking home with you and Mitch about 5.30 AM. DEB: if I wasn`t there you would have been lying on your face in the gutter DAN: You make a good walking rest DEB: my shoulder ached for days after that, how much do you weigh? DAN: only about 9 stone, you had Mitch there as well. DEB: He gave up and walked in front. DAN: Well I didn't notice. DEB: so I almost carried you a mile. DAN: Get lost, you couldn't carry me. DEB: now you tell me DAN: I was under the influence of alcohol, and I hope you weren`t. DEB: might have had one DAN: You shouldn`t, you`re under age, but we made it back to my house so one of us was alright. DEB: well it had to have been me DAN: Is there any one else awake, this page goes DAN, DEB, DAN, DEB, it looks repetative with two similar names, come on guys! ARNIE: sorry. NICK: no, I'm sorry. DAN: Any way why apologise to DEB? DEB: Well, I now have something to threaten you with, should I say what happened on your birthday? DAN: You just try it! DEB: y ****CENSOR AGE/ \/\ CENSORED **** y. DAN: See, isn't a serial port delay wonderful? DEB: That's not fair. DAN: Who said it was? DEB: no one DAN: look the names have started again DEBBIE DEB: sorry DANNY, can you spell that with an IE? DANNIE, no doesn't look right. DAN: makes me sound like a girl. DEB: well.... DAN: What's that meant to mean? DEB: nothing DAN: Don't be insultive. DEB: fists up. DAN: I'm not that pervy. ARNIE: HAH HAH HAH! DEB: I cant believe you just said that. NICK: you silly git DAN: SORRY! ARNIE: How long is the text delay DAN: 10 words. ARNIE: Have you heard the new police switch board? DAN: no ARNIE: It's one of these touch tone lines. You call the local police up and you get a recorded message, if you have been robbed press 1, if you have a subject of vandalism press 2.... DAN: You're joking! ARNIE: No, but you do get through to real people. DAN: after pressing the tones? ARNIE: yes. DAN: Well that's OK then, because it is a faster way of getting put through to the correct department. It's not on 999 is it? ARNIE: No, just the main Middlesbrough switch board DAN: That's alright then. ARNIE: By the way, I have never spoke about Linford Christie, sad news about his brother. DAN: I know, for people who don't know, in the later past of last year his younger brother was killed in a street fight. It is a completely unimaginable experience to go through. As much as my brother and sister annoy me :) I couldn't ever imagine living with out them. DEB: Ahhh. DAN: I know, you're a pain, but I suppose, as sisters go, you're not THAT bad. DEB: I think i might cry now. DAN: Just don't tell any one I said that. hush hush. DEB: oh, nice. ARNIE: Bad hair days. DAN: having one? ARNIE: no. DAN: good ARNIE: Just thinking about hairdressers, a bit suspect isn't it? You go there and a complete stranger runs their fingers through your hair, and fondles your scalp for 10 mins and you maybe talk for a bit and it's all a bit intermate. DAN: A bit, once I remember, there was this woman who was cutting my hair for me, and I kid you not, she spent 25 minutes combing and spraying the water on my hair before cutting it. 25 MINUTES! DEB: hee hee. DAN: shut up you. ARNIE: Dan, can I ask a question? DAN: Depends... ARNIE: Do you buy your own underwear? DAN: Ha! Yeah, why? ARNIE: I'm not homosexual or anything. DAN: Hah ahahah! EHGFZBhgskbvkjgf gvchn , sorry just banging the keyboard (!), ha ha! ARNIE: Just a recent survey announced that most men still have them bought by their mothers or parteners. But you buy your own boxers? DAN: Yes, but not boxers, I hate them, briefs, yes, you big pansy. NICK: Not Y fronts? DAN: Get lost, course not! ARNIE: What's wrong with boxers? DAN: well.... not enough support, like wearing nothing. ARNIE: fine DAN: I am very fussy about the type of underwear I buy, in fact the cheapest pair I have cost me £20, I can't live with cheaper ones, I have to be deadly comfortable. ARNIE: deadly eh? DAN: something like that. Why are they called a pair when there's only one? NICK: Think... DAN: I think we'll leave that there! DEB: Natalie says she'll buy you some. DAN: Thank you Natalie. DEB: natalie> don't mention it. DAN: how lazy? Go to the menu and change the sig. DEB: she also said something else, but i wont repeat it DAN: No you can't spell it! SORRY, JOKE! DEB: better have been DAN: Deb, don't get offended. but I heard a cracker of a blond joke today. DEB: go on then. DAN: Alright, what do you do if a blond throws a hand grenade at you? DEB: dont know DAN: Take the pin out and throw it back at her. DAN: or him. DEB: dreadful DAN: Nick, say hello to your mam for me. NICK: alright then. DAN: Give her a big snog. NICK: hee hee hee. piss off. DEB: is there any way I can put Natalie on a button, so I just press it and her name is on? ARNIE: Go to the Options menu, then down to Signature, then on there, type in NATALIE, then underneath in the box marked HOTKEY type F1. DEB: Wait then. DAN: No, what did you tell her that for Arnie? ARNIE: To annoy you. NICK: They've banned smoking in Mcdonalds in town now, completely. DAN: Have they? NICK: Yes, that's why I said it. DAN: I don't smoke, so it doesn't bother me. ARNIE: The people I hate are the ones who start coughing as soon as you light up. NICK: that happened to me the other day, I took a fag out and this woman who was sitting behind me started coughing even before i lit the bloody thing. DAN: HA NICK: so I turned around and set her on fire. DAN: As you do. NICK: I do ARNIE: Debbie, have you got an amiga 500? DEB: yes. DAN: I gave it her. DEB: no you gave it to me, not me to it. ARNIE: For Xmas? DAN: Yes. ARNIE: So, let me get this straight, you're earning, say £1000 a week! And all you can give her is an old computer for xmas, so you didn't spend anything on her at xmas. DAN: Well, I got her a few games, and I'm not £1000 a week. ARNIE: It must be more than 800 DAN: well who knows?! I'm not rich ARNIE: But you are financially comfortable? DAN: Yes ARNIE: I see you finally got an SX32 for your CD32, instead of networking and using netkeys. DAN: Yeah, I couldn't be bothered setting netkeys up all the time so I just finally bought the CD³² it's own keyboard and disk drive and modem. Nice machine too, my first AGA machine. I'm still playing with the colour wheel pallete, on my A3000T with wB3.1 the colour wheel is just quatered into 4 colours, dreadful! ARNIE: I hear you like playing GLOOM over a modem link. DAN: I do, but I only know one other person with a CD³² and GLOOM. ARNIE: I have GLOOM on my A4000 and I have a Cd-ROM. DAN: We'll have a game some day then. ARNIE: Alright mate. DAN: A bit of a pain that you can't save games using GLOOM in the CD³² battery backed RAM, or have passwords. I'm still stuck on level 5. NICK: Joke, man and woman, woman says to the man, want to come shopping tommorow, the man says no, but the woman says, come on we haven't been for ages, so the man says ok. After shopping all day the woman gives the man a fiver to go to the pub, and the woman says she'll meet him there in an hour. So he goes to the pub and sits down waiting. Then a prostitute comes over to him and asks if he is looking for a good time. The man says, he only has a fiver, and the prozzie says "well you won't get much for a fiver", and the man says OK, and she walks off. An hour later the man's wife comes over to him and they start walking down the street, and they see the prostitute over the road and she shouts over "I told you you wouldn't get much for a fiver!". DAN: Ha ha hah! Good one. ARNIE: Donkey with 3 legs. DAN: What? ARNIE: A Wonkey. DAN: Hmmmnnn. ARNIE: Why did Brian Robson give the 'boro players lighters? DAN: go on. ARNIE: Because they keep losing matches. DAN: Oh! These are girlie jokes. ARNIE: Why do women have legs? DAN: Ermmm... ARN ** ** CENO/\/\P\\CENS ED* *** ls. DAN: Thank you! Yes, you're not saying that one. DEB: god. ARNIE: A girl walked into a tatooists, she wanted a tatoo of Frank Bruno's face tatooed on the top of my left thigh, and Mike Tyson on my right thigh. After he does the works the girl complains "You can't tell who's who". So after they argue for a bit, a man walks in, the tatooist asks his opinion on who is who, the man says "I don't know the left or the right, but the one in the middle is Don King". DAN: EEEEEEHH! Nick, should I take that out, QUICK! NICK: too late now. DAN: I'm wary, I might edit this file later and delete that bit. NICK: Leave it. DEB: DAN: hello? DEB: Im lost for words. DAN: THERE'S A FIRST! A girl lost for words. DEB: dont get sexist. DAN: ME?! I wouldn't ever be sexist, all of the jokes I would never tell, you know the jokes. How many male sexists does it take to change a light bulb? DEB: yeah DAN: None, let the cow cook in the dark. DEB: grrr DAN: OK, but I'd never condone chaining a woman to the kitchen sink. DEB: really? DAN: No, they couldn't reach the cooker. DEB: youre saying these, but only because I'm not in reaching distance. DAN: I'm sorry Debbie :) DEB: Ill get you. DAN: Heeeee. You couldn't do anything you weed. NICK: hah! DEB: I'll get Mitch on to you. DAN: I kick his arse as well. You must remember I am the elder boy you're just the baby. And Mitch is the middle one, and he always seems to take back ground. DEB: Its good when youre the youngest, im not a baby. DAN: You're telling me, you get away with ANYTHING! And 15? Your just a kid. DEB: I don't, and your only a few years older than me. DAN: You LIAR! Tell the truth, you have mam and dad wrapped around your finger. DEB: dont. DAN: If I tried half the stuff you do and told mam about it, even now, I'd get a slap in the face. You just give a smile and say sorry, you're forgiven. ARNIE: I know, the cute little one. DAN: Yes. DEB: you imagine it all. NICK: who you closer to Dan, your sister or your brother? DAN: Well.... I don't see much of my brother these days, he is working in Newcastle at the moment, but I see Deb quite a lot, like almost every day (arrghhh!), but I have probably always been more close to Deb than Mitch. ARNIE: But there always is a closeness between the older brother and the little sister isn't there? DAN: Yeah. I'd agree with that. DEB: see, youre being nice now. DAN: Sod off. NICK: Ha ha ha ha! DEB: sod off yourself. ARNIE: Debbie, a new career prospect for you. DEB: go on then. ARNIE: In China men are paying up to an equalent of £3,000 to cut attractive young women's hair. DAN: Why? ARNIE: Don't ask me! But the prices vary, they can pay double and shave the girls entire head, prices vary on the age, attractiveness and the amount of hair that they wish to cut off. DAN: So they pick a woman at random and cut her hair off (??!!!) ARNIE: Yes, they have a que of selected girls all willing to get the chop then they can choose one and pay their 'agent' and cut their hair. DEB: no thanks, I like my hair the way it is. DAN: Nick, your cousins new baby still alright? NICK: Yes, he is 4 months older now. DAN: Well obviously. NICK: I got her a baby com last week. DAN: Good, so if the baby cries then she can hear. The thing is, you have to be careful with those things, as they only work one way. NICK: what? DAN: Well you have to make sure the microphone is at the babies end, otherwise the babies first words will be "Come on big boy, you know you can do it!". NICK: HAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-) DEB: a good joke for a change dan. ARNIE: Heard that. VERY good timing though. DAN: Well thanks. ARNIE: I'm gonna change the subject again, chat up lines. A few issues ago you were on about them. You used one of mine in there, so tell me one of yours. DAN: Me? ARNIE: yes. DAN: Well I'm very honest, so I'll tell you that I have only ever used one ARNIE: did it work? DAN: no, so I gave up. ARNIE: so how do you get women then? DAN: This is the nineties, since then I have always let them come to me and it works! NICK: It does with the teenagers!! DAN: Get lost :) NICK: I know. DAN: What do you then Deb? DEB: I don't have any corny chat up lines, I just try to strike up a conversation. But usually I let them come to me instead. DAN: That's where I differ from you, I couldn't bring myself to go over to a complete stranger and start talking to them in that way. DEB: I don't normally. I let them come to me, I don't have to chase boys. DAN: Stop boasting! DEB: well its true! DAN: you're putting on weight anyway. DEB: I am not. You said this yesterday. DAN: You are, not much, but a bit. NICK: Is she? DAN: Yesterday she had one of those tops on where you can see her stomach, you know the things, ribbed top type of things. And on top of her skirt band she had a litte hill. DEB: It was because I had been sitting down. DAN: Oh yeah, sure. DEB: it was. DAN: Best way to insult a female, tell her she's put on weight, DEB: I HAVENT!! DAN: sorry Debbie. DEB: How much do you weigh DAN: About 9 stone DEB: well I weigh less than that DAN: I didn't say you had more weight than me, I just said you have put a bit on, and I might have been winding you up. DEB: I KNOW! DAN: THEN SHUT UP!!!!! DEB: SHUP UP YOURSELF!!!!!! DAN: YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEB: YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NICK: shut up! ARNIE: come on dan, you must have used some corny chat up lines in the 80s, when you're out on the pull. DAN: THE PULL?!! Any way you cheeky git, I was at school all through the 80s. DEB: I remember your last day, you came home covered in writing. DAN: It was only a few years ago. DEB: I leave next July. DAN: What are you going to do after school then? DEB: College. DAN: Are you, in what? DEB: what course? DAN: yeah DEB: not sure yet. NICK: Let her come and work with you DAN: YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING!. NO! She'd drive me mad. DEB: well I didn't say I wanted to any way DAN: I've heard the conversation you and your friends have. BORING! DEB: why? DAN: All you talk about is clothes, hair and boys. DEB: so? DAN: NONE of which bother me in the slightest. NICK: Not even clothes? DAN: no I don't wear them. NATALIE: i am on my way DAN: Just joking, clothes are quite boring, I know lots of people and they spend all their money on clothes and love going around clothes shops, I can't think of any thing more boring than trapsing around a shop full of clothes for half an hour. When it's time to re-stock the old wardrobe I do it all as fast as possible, but boys and hair bore me to the bone. DEB: not what I've heard (joke) DAN: I'm the least homophobic man in the world, but I am not gay, I'm straight for any one reading this. And what's more you lot are gigglers, and they bloody annoy me. DEB: I dont DAN: Well you're not so bad, but some of them girls... ARGHH! NICK: my little sister is like that. DAN: How old's Amy now? NICK: 12 DAN: She'll get worse man. NICK: cant get much worse, annoys me to f**... flip. DAN: I know, I though Deb was bad at 12, but it does get worse, believe me, I'm just dreading when she get's to 18, argghhh! DEB: here we go DAN: Arnie is different, never had a sis have you? ARNIE: nah, two older brothers though. DAN: I like being the oldest, means I didn't get the crap kicked out of me. ARNIE: I did, my brothers used to be very mean to me at times. DAN: I have been responsible for that in my earlier days. DEB: remember the soldering iron? DAN: Oh yeah. When I was about 10 I turned a soldering iron on and told my brother to hold the steaming end (thinking he wouldn't) and he did, spent all night with his hand in an ice bucket. DEB: You never tried any thing like that on me luckily. DAN: It's never too late Debs. DEB: sure DAN: Mam used to protect you too much though DEB: here we go DAN: I've had a few fun fights with you in the past, but never really hurt you DEB: I know, the last time you had a so called fun fight was last week DAN: hee hee. Only in humour, not like I smashed you full force in the face (unlike you did to me with your elbow), just a few soft ones in the arm and the back and stuff and getting you down on the floor. ARNIE: You're never too old either DAN: Well you can be, I can hardly imagine me at 75 and Deb at 70 having a play fight. NICK: Same here, my sister and me do the same. DAN: The last one was last week, I brought Deb in to work with me because I needed some one to answer the phones (she does that well), and I bent her fingers back for a laugh, but I got a kick in the shin for my troubles. DEB: But that hurt. DAN: I didn't mean it to, it's all in fun. DEB: It is DAN: It is. ARNIE: Dan, is KIX FM due back on soon? DAN: yeah from June 24, pretty soon. ARNIE: Remember last summer? DAN: How could I forget, GORGEOUS summer last year, it was one of the best I have had for years. ARNIE: This summer set to be even hotter! DAN: PHEW! ARNIE: Up to 36 D centegrade. DAN: 36 Celcius, that's HOT, when I was on holiday it was like that, walked around in shorts and T-Shirt all day. NATALIE: so people saw your sexy legs DAN: something like that. Hello Natalie. NATALIE: Hi ARNIE: Where did you get the CD³²? DAN: Shop. ARNIE: you don't say... DAN: Microbyte. NICK: Took a screwdriver to it yet? DAN: no, still under warranty. NICK: You know that CD you borrowed me, it's wicked. DAN: good, I got it sent last year. ARNIE: What is it? DAN: Remember the old NAS track, 'If I ruled the world', it's been remixed. ARNIE: oh yea DEB: I don't like all that dance and club stuff. DAN: It's good, but to be good it has to be LOUD and I mean ****LOUD****. As in blast your head off loud. DEB: Your radio shows are full of it. DAN: lot's of people said that. OH you mean dance music, yeah that's because some of them are dance shows, durrghh! All recorded on lovely reel to reel. :) ARNIE: Reel to reel tape? DAN: Yeah, or video but I like reel better. ARNIE: a bit old DAN: But very good quality apart from the odd crackle, it sounds live, not the crappy little reel to reel, a proper big studio one, about 12 inches. NICK: we were all doing descriptions last issue, and we attempted to describe you, but do it for yourself. DAN: Who cares. But alright then. About 5.10 in the old heightish department, black hair, parting to the left (with NO long 50's sides!!), finley combed with a couple of stray hairs hanging down where the parting is (very precise this), dark brown eyes, and no matter what people say I don't gel my hair, sometimes hair mousse, but normally just water, then it dries :(. NATALIE: you have got nice hair DAN: Thank you. NICK: you're meant to return the complement DAN: sorry, Natalie you have as well NATALIE: great will you go out with me now? DAN: no NATALIE: please, Deb wants to talk DAN: right DEB: some one I know says you look like Kurt Benson from Holly Oaks DAN: Never seen Holly Oaks, wouldn't know. DEB: You do a bit. Natalie wants to come back NATALIE: hello every one DAN: Natalie, you can do me a favour, tell me who Deb fancies. NATALIE: I cant she would kill me, but I know people who like her. DAN: I don't care if people like her, who does she like. NATALIE: I cant say, sorry. DAN: And I thought you liked me (ha hah!). NATALIE: i do. wait there. she says i cant tell you. DAN: Oh well. Fine. DEB: Dont try it! DAN: That's great, you'll tell a friend but not your own brother. DEB: Mitch knows DAN: WHAT?! What have I done, he is as nasty to you as I am. DEB: Well he knows the person. DAN: I'll beat it out of him. ARNIE: dan your email box doesnt work! DAN: I know it's full :( ARNIE: well delete some lazy sod! DAN: Sorry to any one who has e-mail me recently, my e-mail box is full, there's 250 messages in there so I will have to delete them, I'll do it this week PROMISE! If however, I am a liar and do not clear the box this week, then try PONX@hotmail.com, or KIX105@juno.com, they should be OK, but I rarely check the Juno account so use that as a last resort, some times I might leave it about 4 month before I check it!! ARNIE: what browser do you use? DAN: one of three, Voyager, Ibrowse, but usually AWEB2.1 ARNIE: is it good DAN: yeah NICK: we use Netscape 1 at college, it's crap, I don't know why everyone likes it so much. DAN: Any thing on the PC is liked by PC owners, they haven't seen any thing better. ARNIE: like Excel. Horrible thing. DAN: never used, very rarely use PCs, occasional Mac, mostly Amigas, rarely PCs. I'm just waiting for the time when I can buy a portable Amiga to bring everywhere with me. Unlike most people, I am lucky in that we use Amigas at the places I work. NICK: question for you, in The Famous Five how many children were they in it? ARNIE: Five NICK: That your answer? DAN: Four, one was a dog. NICK: youre right. DAN: clever eh? NATALIE: i'm impressed DAN: me too , I didn't even watch the stupid show! ARNIE: I have just watched a TV show and, oh well it was Ricki Lake DAN: sad man! ARNIE: any way, it had people on who go out with people with age differences if you know what I mean. There was a 25 year old going out with a 57 year old, is that sick? NICK: a bit DAN: I don't have a problem with that, if they like each other. NATALIE: Then whats wrong with me DAN: I have a list, just joking, under 18 is wrong though, I have a problem with that, because your still a kid. ARNIE: there was a man on who was 37, and he was dating a 15 year old. DAN: Yeah, that's wrong. ARNIE: That makes a nice link into this, a survey of what part of the opposite sex people notice the most. DAN: I'm not going to have to dump this am I? ARNIE: no, just a survey of about a thousand people, to find out what part of the opposite sex they look at first. DAN: have you got it to hand? ARNIE: excuse me? DAN: Hey! That's my joke. ARNIE: sorry. Yes, want to see? DAN: Excuse me?! ARNIE: Want to see the results of the survey DAN: go on then. ARNIE: Alright here we go with the guys: All nice rounded numbers by the way: 10% looked at legs 20% eyes 15% chest 5% arse (sorry) 45% face DAN: Face would be at the top of my list too, with eyes following very close. What about the girls? ARNIE: very similar actually: 7% muscles (like me! :-) 13% legs 15% eyes 16% trouser area (you know what I mean) 19% arse 30% face DAN: about what I expected. ARNIE: Some things are a bit strange in there though. DAN: matron! ARNIE: well quite. I though chest might have got a few more. DAN: I'm not a breasts man, I don't find them very attractive, I look straight at the face and eyes. DEB: dan, I need you to come around here and open this bottle for me. DAN: ha ha! What? DEB: my hands are slippy. DAN: why? DEB: I have got cream on them DAN: ahem! Right, alright round in a minute. ARNIE: I can't believe he is really going. DAN: Oh I am. It's only a couple of streets away. Back soon. ARNIE: great, can any one else dump stuff? NICK: No, so I was to say fu** then he couldn't do anything about it, ARNIE: Lets try it fu** NICK: fu**, oh well, I could say ****, but it's not the same. DEB: Dan you still there DEB: take it as a no, does he remember that natalie is still here. ARNIE: OH YEAH! Hee. DEB: i was only joking about him coming all the way here. I bet the lazy sod takes the car. ARNIE: To the next street? Your place is with in throwing distance from his house. DEB: I can't see the street from here ARNIE: shame. NICK: another person killed last night in a night club. ARNIE: was there? NICK: yeah, a domestic fight, person killed other person in prison. ARNIE: we will get into that when Dan returns NICK: should be there soon DEB: I know. There he is I can hear the door open. ARNIE: that was fast. DEB: Here he comes. NICK: we need a drum roll. DEB: he has just walked in. NICK: Shame this is not telly. ARNIE: big event happening there, woah. NICK: too bad. DEB: he opened the bottle for me. Here he is, DN: wrong name, wait. DA: I can't use my name, my computer is still logged on. I can't cut me off as I am the master you see, so wait a sex. DA: I mean a sec, x and c are very close. ARNIE: sure NICK: better not say that with Natalie in there DAN : that's better, I might stay here for a bit. Keeps Deb off the thing. Ouch I just got a smack in the arm, I'll just seek my revenge, wait there. ARNIE: Shame this is not telly, would like to see Deb kick him in. DAN : get stuffed, I'll kick her arse easy. Any way, I'm going back home, back soon! ARNIE: in the top 10 pointless things that is number 1! NICK: I know. DEB: hes gone now, strange. NICK: very. Natalie you there? NATALIE: yes, sorry about the pause. NICK: did you like that? NATALIE: wow NICK: describe that in one word, or less. ARNIE: or less? NATALIE: ppphhwworr. NICK: ha. NATALIE: Im not joking he gets better every time i see him ARNIE: has the reverse effect on me NATALIE: then youre blind ARNIE: or straight NATALIE: no, if I was male he could turn me gay. ARNIE: HA HA! NICK: just point out that she wasn't trying to imply that Dan is gay there, were you? NATALIE: i really hope not. NICK: of course you do. NATALIE: Im not joking when I say he is the best looking guy in the world, no the universe. ARNIE: Sound a bit infatuated there, did you give him a snog? NATALIE: I wish I dare NICK: pay him. NATALIE: I would NICK: ****??**** for what? DEB: he didn't open the bottle properly either, it went everywhere. NICK: clumsy git DEB: i know, good job I'm the only one in except Natalie, my parents would think he is mad walking in and running up the stairs for about a minute then walking off. DAN: Whey! I'm back. Knackered though. No body said any beastly words did they? NICK: BEASTLY?! DAN: BEASTLY!! ARNIE: BEAST! DAN: BEEEAASSSTT! NICK: bEEaAaaSssSSSSTTtTTTTttTTT!!!!!!!! ARNIE: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbbbbBBBBBBbbbbBBBBBBBBBBB BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! DAN: Right. enough of that. DEB: what the hell was that DAN: Just a little key exercise NATALIE: Hi dan DAN: Hello, you were very quiet when I came around NATALIE: I know sorry DAN: I was expecting to get jumped on NATALIE: come around again and I will DAN: I've just ran all the way back here, you're too late now, the real reason I came was to collect a video I left there, I was going to collect it any way. Mam and dad didn't even notice I came in!! NATALIE: oooohhh ARNIE: Dan, we were talking about another death that happened last night, in a night club, person died in a fight. DAN: I know I saw it. Pending court case, can't talk about it. ARNIE: ok. NICK: Like last year, remember them two girls who kicked another one to death, they only got 2 years in a detention centre. DAN: I know, you have a fight, and if you hit some one the wrong way, it only takes one, and they're dead. This fight was just two school girls having a scrap up, like school girls do up and down the country every single day, and another girl got involved and tried to do the decent thing and the other girls went overboard and killed her. They wouldn't have intended to kill her, but it shows how easy it is. So it may sound a bit callaous but the best thing to do if you see people having a fight is to stay away. And if you come into a situation where it is evident that you are going to be involved in a fight, the best thing to do is to avoid it, if possible. ARNIE: You didn't say that a few weeks ago in the club. DAN: OK, I know, I said if possible, but sometimes it takes a very strong person to just walk away. NICK: what happened? DAN: We were in a club a few nights after I came back off holiday, there was a guy who was absolutely topped to his head with alcohol, and he was just looking to bash someone. I was working at that club that night, and I happened to be that person, walking past at that time. With absolutely no provocation he smacked my in the face and I went down. It was in a crowded place and I had to think, what do I want people to think, that I'm a wimp. I know I shouldn't have, but I got up and smashed him back and that was it. Normally we would have both got thrown out of the club, but he picked on the wrong person, because I worked there and the owners believed me that he started it, and I stayed there and he was barred from the establishment. DEB: how did you hit him. DAN: Well I was very careful, I punched him in the stomach, I stay away from the head, it can be dangerous. But I hate violence and I always try to avoid it, but I don't know what it was, that night I just didn't take and crap. DEB: I keep away from it as well. DAN: good on ya'. ARNIE: But getting back to them two girls, they should have got more than 2 years. Charged with man slaughter? It should have been murder. DAN: You can't do that. Murder is very specific, murder is pre-meditated. So to prove murder on that case it would have been impossible. You would have had to go back to the girls at home that morning, and say, and prove that they decided, and planned to kill that girl. It was just a heat of the moment thing, it wasn't planned. ARNIE: Alright I know the law has to be very specific. But if you are going to kick some one and have a fight, then you know that there is a possibility that you are going to kill some one. DAN: No, you can't prove in a court of law they , no matter how angry they intended to kill some one. That's what you would have to do, that's why we have a man slaughter charge, and why they have murder 1 and 2 in America. ARNIE: but if they knew they were going to have a fight DAN: No, you have to think logically, the law is not set out that way. ARNIE: the law will be changed DAN: IT WON'T MAN! They couldn't do it any other way, they could increase the sentance for man slaughter but they can't call it murder, a different thing, they won't change it ARNIE: they will DAN: THEY WON'T!!!!! I bet you £200, here, me and you on the computer, £200 that they won't. The only way they could do it would be to completely re-vamp the entire juditional system, and have murder 1 and 2 and manslaughter. ARNIE: as far as I am concerned it is attempted murder DAN: Well you're talking with your emotions and I'm talking with my brain ARNIE: alright then. DAN: GOOD, NOW SHUT UP!!!!! :) ARNIE: sorry. DEB: You always have to win Dan DAN: I don't, just I can talk the hind legs off a donkey. I try to think realistically. DEB: youre a smart arse DAN: Hee hee. NICK: she's sounding more and more like you every day DAN: SOD OFF! DEB: when did I insult you nick? NICK: Sorry, i was joking! DAN: you better have been, otherwise I'll slap your face next time I see you. NICK: cool ARNIE: Bloody women drivers! I had another close miss with one today. NICK: lucky devil :-) DEB: what's wrong with women drivers? ARNIE: They're crap, should have harder tests for women. DEB: why? DAN: Just for women? ARNIE: Yeah, well men are not so bad, but women should have a harder test. DAN: Well, why not just make it harder all round. ARNIE: But a women, (this is proven in most cases), that when you are approaching an accident, a woman will take her hands off the wheel and put her hands over her eyes, but a man is more likely to try to swerve away. DAN: That's generalising. Take a case, a young girl and a young boy, both 17 years old and both just passed their driving test. Who is the most likely to arse about on the road? ARNIE: the boy DAN: why's that? ARNIE: erm.. because he feels more confident on the road and so he takes bigger risks. DAN: I think it is testosterone, you know, the lads in the car with his mates "'ere lads, watch this!! WEHEY!!", you know the scene. Totally oblivious to senses, and he only wants to show off to his friends, no matter what you say, girls are not under the same pressure, and at that age, to be honest, girls have more sense. Compared to Deb, when I was 15 I was dafter than her, though it pains me to say it. DEB: some things stay the same DAN: hey! ARNIE: but old people are worse. DAN: not really, there are as many old dick-heads on the road as young dick-heads, but males are usually more likely to show off on the road. NICK: I must say I have seen some examples of that in my time DAN: me too NICK: Dan, quickly changing the topic, what's the best Cd-ROM for my A1200? DAN: You know Sean? NICK: yes DAN: He's got a CD1200 one of Commodore's drives that was imported from Germany. NICK: I think I've seen one of them DAN: Looks like a CD³², but it is white and has Amiga written where the ³² has 32-BIT. NICK: Looks like half a CD32? DAN: yep NICK: Does it have the same flip top lid? DAN: yep NICK: wicked. Can you still get them? DAN: They were never released here, but I know of a place who can get them from Germany (I think they still can), I'll tell you who they are next time I see you. NICK: At the radio station what kind of CD players are there? DAN: 4 of them (don't know why there's that many), all the songs are on an AMIGA controlled digital jukebox. But we have two caddy based CD players and two which are built into the desk, and have flip lids, they look very much like the CD1200, only they are silver and the top is made of metal. NICK: alright, what CD-ROM have you got? DAN: CD-ROM's, I've got a Mitsumi double speed drive in my A3000T, and a CD³² drive in this ³². I did have 2 A570s, but I gave one to Deb, and one is knackered when I bashed it and broke the lens, I can get a new one from Dart computers for 35 quid, its the CD-ROM inside, it just unscrews. ARNIE: I've got a nice 8 speed model. DAN: you poser ARNIE: Well.... SMUG NICK: Dan, I've still got your video tape, REVENGE OF THE NERDS DAN: ALRIGHT!! Ahem! Keep your typing down man. Ahem! AHEM! Alright I'll collect it tommorow. DEB: Ive never seen that one DAN: Ha ha! You don't want to either. NICK: bush DAN: ha ha ha ha ha!! Shhhhh don't go there. NICK: sorry DEB: right.... is he all there? DEB: hello? DAN: sorry, just wiping my eyes on my sleeve. NICK: you have to have seen the film to get the joke. DAN: And I hope no body has, you just tread on thin ice there! NICK: phew! DAN: hang on NICK: whats up? DAN: hang on ARNIE: in your own time NICK: Dan? NICK: I think he's gone DAN: sorry, you know when you just can't stop laughing? NICK: yeah DAN: just happened ARNIE: You love it. DAN: I do? NICK: but what type of love? DAN: Number 1. ARNIE: There are two types? DAN: yeah, I don't know where this has come from though! ARNIE: what two types of love are they then? DAN: Well, number one, could be the type of love that I have for my mam, my dad, and brother, and erm.... my dog DEB: thanks DAN: and the other type that is a bit more intermate :) NICK: Yeah good NATALIE: the same type I have for you dan DAN: well.... DEB: listen to that DAN: Shut up... DEB: dont start ARNIE: She'll kick you in dan DAN: I'm shaking now, LIKE I'M REALLY SCARED!!!! DEB: I know DAN: scared of a girl? I don't think so DEB: your been very sexist today DAN: Ha ha, I give you an arm wrestle last week, what a push over. DEB: so DAN: You're just a weed :) DEB: Am not DAN: heh heh, let's have a scrap up then. DEB: I wouldnt waste my time DAN: Oh yeah! DAN: I'm sorry Deb, just joking. DEB: good DAN: Well I wasn't but..... you know. DEB: course. DAN: What do you reckon Nick? NICK: I reckon Deb would win DAN: oh yeah? DEB: see Nick doesnt put me down NICK: no, I'd never put a blonde girl down. DAN: ha ha :) ARNIE: good one DEB: I didnt mean like that NICK: neither did I! DAN: I've got to go blonde for a bit and see what happens DEB: they have more fun ARNIE: we do DAN: Arnie, you're not a true blond, your kind of moussey. NATALIE: dont go blond you wont be as much of a babe then DAN: OK DEB: Gemma still likes you DAN: The gobby one? ARNIE: Gobby? DAN: Yeah Deb was on the phone to me a while ago and she's got some one shouting something at me in the background. DEB: She said she loved you. DAN: I've only ever talked to her once!!!! DEB: I know, shes a bit strange. ARNIE: Ha! DEB: Shes only 15, but she said shes waiting until she is 18. DAN: oh good. Do I get a say in this? DEB: doubt it. NICK: as often is the case DAN: was that English? NICK: don't think so. Maybe, no. YES! DAN: HELLO? DEB: ill get Gemma in here for the next disk DAN: please don't DEB: she isnt the only other one do you want me to give you a list? DAN: HA! No :), tell me that they're all just joking around DEB: there not DAN: well what have I done, the only things I ever say is hello when they're in our house (by our I mean my parents), not like I have big conversations with them. DEB: wait there DAN: why? NATALIE: hi DAN: Hello NATALIE: I'm not joking around DAN: I know you're not. But I've only talked to you a few times NATALIE: whats talking? DAN: don't kn NICK: so what's the attraction? DAN: ee, just interrupt me you fat git!! NATALIE: he is just a number one boy NICK: I wish I never asked DAN: me too ARNIE: me three NICK: so its purely looks? NATALIE: no, but it makes a lot of it. DAN: oh well, that's fine by me. NATALIE: good NICK: I think you need to walk around with a paper bag on your head NATALIE: I kn irl! NICK: ha ha! DAN: Sorry people, she just gave me some bad language, but you'll be happy to know I gave her some back. NICK: very good NATALIE: you like me better than the others though don't you? DAN: No boys your own age like you? NATALIE: yes they do, but the thing is I normally hang around with debbie and after the have seen her I usually get left behind DAN: ha haha!! Don't know why, you are good looking girl. NATALIE: I've got long black hair though not a blond DAN: This blond thing seems to work, might try it NATALIE: dont DAN: I won't really, I like dark hair better NATALIE: GREAT! Debbie wants to come back. DEB: why is black hair better? DAN: Because every one recently seems to be going for the blonde look and dying their hair, I'm pleased with my hair, and happy that I don't have to change it, I'm not going with the sheep and changing my hair. DEB: i didnt dye my hair DAN: I know, you're a natural blonde, what is it? Strawberry blone I think it's called, so no probs with you, but the people who think changing their hair colour is some how going to change their entire life, unlikely. If you are an ugly sod and you think dying your hair will change your looks then it won't, you will be stuck with your looks, the hair colour you were given is often the one that suits you most. NICK: well I have kept my hair. DAN: Hang on a sec ****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED****, right I forgot to do that. ARNIE: What do you reckon of ginger women? DAN: depends, some women with ginger hair look very ugly (Fergie for example), but some look very nice (can't think of any though!! :) The same with other coloured hair really. But it seems the thing to say not to like ginger people for some people. ARNIE: The 'thing' is often strange DAN: I know, peer pressure. It seems hard to say that you don't like giner people, same as you go and ask the 'lads' what they think of say... Abba "oh they're crap, I like Metallica". But they'll be there, tapping their foot along to Dancing Queen. ARNIE: Like Abba do you dan? DAN: No they're crap, I like Metallica :) NICK: I know, the peer pressure is much worse on males though isnt it? DAN: I think it probably is a macho thing. There is pressure on girls, but there seems to be a thing with in boys that means they have to some how 'live up' to their mates. Such as pretend that they have had about 200 girl friends in the past 3 years. ARNIE: like saying they got 27 valentines cards? :-) DAN: I swear I did! DEB: he did honestly thats more than I got. ARNIE: How many serious girl friends have you had then Dan? DAN: In the past 3 years or ever? ARNIE: Ever DAN: About 9 proper ones (not counting those stupid ones you have in Junior school), none at present, keeping away for a while. NATALIE: Want to make it 10? DAN: not yet. NATALIE: im not at the really bad stage yet DAN: You hardly even know me NATALIE: i know but the last time it was about a boy at school i lost sleep, and I couldnt eat. DAN: I know but with me it must be different because you don't really know me at all, NATALIE: same with Darren at school I didnt really know him but he is gorgeous, but Im over him now. DAN: Well I'll pass as well. NATALIE: I hope not DAN: I still get the feeling that Deb has put you up to this and it's all a wind up. NATALIE: I promise you it isnt DAN: well, fine. DEB: I am back DAN: good for you. You'll never guess what, mam called me your name today. DEB: Really? DAN: You know the story, she goes through all the names before she gets to me, she went "Debbie, err... Mitch, Danny" DEB: I know she does it to us all the time ARNIE: DanNY? DAN: I get that at home all the time :( ARNIE: Does your brother get MitchY? DAN: No that's my DOG! ARNIE: exactly, your brother is a bit of a dog! DAN: Speaking of Mitch I haven't talked to him for about 3 weeks, I'll go and see him on Tuesday afternoon, I have to go up to Newcastl any way DEB: what time? DAN: Erm, about 3 DEB: Make it half past and bring me. DAN: Oh no. OK then, what time do you finish school, 3:10? DEB: yes, pick me up DAN: What?! You want picking up as well. Oh, do I have to? DEB: yes DAN: sigh, alright then. And do do what you did last time, made me give one of your friends a lift home, because it was 'on the way' when it wasn't. DEB: okay DAN: We'll go and get deafened together DEB: *lol* DAN: Don't use them crap things, they damage your health, you mean *laugh out loud*. DEB: sorry how can they damage your health? DAN: because I'll reach down the phone line! ARNIE: What do you mean deafened? DAN: My little brother shouts when he talks ARNIE: Why? DAN: I don't know, he's like my mother, voice like a fog horn. DEB: me you and dad got the nice voices DAN: Very lucky as well, DEB: why do they shout any way DAN: It might have something to do with the attitude to life, Mitch and mam get very stressed out don't they. I never get stressed, ever, never have suffered from any real stress in my life. Dad, you and me seem to be more layed back and relax easier, but Mitch and mam seem to be quite uptight a lot and maybe that is why they shout when they talk, not that they even know that they're doing it. DEB: I sometimes get stressed DAN: I have never suffered from real stress, when I hear stories about people who were awake until 4AM studying for exams when they did GCSEs and stuff, and they were terrified of the exams, and when they go to the dentist they sweat and are really nervous. I don't get like that. In my exams I did a bit of revising here and there, but I just did most of them from memory, and wasn't at all nervous about the exams, and I don't care a jot about going to the dentist, in fact I'm going back on Monday to get this tooth sorted (ouch). DEB: I get nervous when doing tests, and I'm not looking forward to the exams. DAN: Are you scared about the future? DEB: yes because I dont know how it is going to turn out DAN: I'm not at all, I take things as they come and tackle them then, I'm not thinking at all about what I will be doing in 10 years time, I don't know, but I'll try to do things right now and the way I think I should, and do the best I can, and if things turn out well then that is good, if not then I'll deal with that when I come to it. For now I'm doing OK, I am very happy at the moment. DEB: so if you could improve your life, how would you do it? DAN: There are very few things I would improve, I'm pretty much very happy with my life at present, never had it so good. After I have said that watch it all crash down around me! :( DEB: me neither I suppose DAN: But I can only hope it will get better DEB: me too. DAN: well, good luck DEB: thank you ARNIE: Are you two finished? DAN: Think so. NICK: Dan, have you ever met The Lightening Seeds? DAN: No, but I have seen them play. NICK: What about East 17? DAN: Yes, twice. NICK: What did you reckon of them? DAN: bum heads. NICK: why? DAN: Just were, full of them selves, and thick as .... a thick thing, spending 3 hours in the same room as them get's annoying! NATALIE: I wouldnt have minded it DAN: I bet. I have always wanted to meetw UB40 and never have. NICK: I like UB40 DAN: They're quite good. ARNIE: Hear about the boss at a well known ITV company some where i ntry where t****CENSORED/\/\PAGE/\/\CENSORED**** he security guard was on duty one Sunday afternoon when Songs of Praise was on and he decided that he would watch a pornographic film to pass time. You have probably already guessed what happened. The idiot put the tape on air and broadcast the thing to all the watchers of Songs of Praise for 15 mins. He was fired. DAN: The prat NICK: Watched a porno at work? What a fool DAN: I don't see the attraction with those films, they do nothing for me. NICK: Me neither, they are actually quite funny ARNIE: seen some eh? DAN: Erm... about 3 in my life I think (but if my mam is reading, then none) DEB: she could be DAN: Not at my house, when you go around mates houses at parties and stuff the stuff gets shown, some were quite disturbing actually. ARNIE: I bet! I've seen your collection Dan DAN: Shut up! My collection. Honestly people, I don't have ANY, I don't like the things. ARNIE: right NICK: Have you got Microcosm DAN: Yes, brilliant graphics, but the game itself is really just a shoot em up. My keyboard has suddenly started to creak you know. NICK: Looks a good game, and try hitting it. DAN:i7ytf NICK: did it work? DAN: a bit... no, it didn't. We're going to have to wrap up soon. NATALIE: oh no dont go DAN: A few more mins NATALIE: Are you sure your not looking for any one at the moment? DAN: Noooooo. NICK: Dans single at the moment aren't you? DAN: Since last November yes. I've decided to stay single for a while. NICK: Are you over her yet? DAN: Yeah. ARNIE: why are you taking a break? DAN: Well, to tell you the truth a lot of the the women I have been out with in the past year have been ... right bitches to tell the truth. I'm not going to go into things now though. Enough said. NATALIE: I wont be a bitch DAN: I know you're not. NATALIE: so when I am 18? DAN: hmmmnn, who knows! :) NATALIE: yes! DAN: Right people, time for this to end now (over 60K!), say your good byes NATALIE: Bye dan I#ll think about you before i go to bed tonight DAN: Heee, look stop it you'll get me locked up :) NICK: bye Dan DAN: bye Nick, Arnie, BYE! ARNIE: fafoir! DAN: indeed. DAN: see ya Deb DEB: right, will I see you tommorow? DAN: maybe, if not then monday afternoon. DEB: alright I have to make sure Natalie and Gemma are there DAN: don't you dare. Bye Deb DEB: bye DAN: Thats it, I'm cutting you all off. ARNIE: bye NICK: ***gone*** ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----PAGE mickey.iafrica.com/~cassidy orci.com/personal/jim (orci) sue@nod.zikzak.net www.virtualpresents.com www.mrshowbiz.com/features/games/surgery/ Hydrodaktuoopsydhichmrcia